Slapdash: a Poorly Written Novel

Slapdash is a story of a life that wasn't. Set against the backdrop of an international competition for sumpremacy in medicine prowess, the oft-distracted narrator chronicles the star-crossed paths of the national celebrity who is about to become the oldest living person in history and the young, apathetic accountant who convinces the old man to abandon his death wish. In the end, however, everyone dies. But not before remarkable changes take place in personal perspective and relationships thanks to a love interest, a power outage, two simultaneous mental breakdowns, and a chance meeting of Jesus in prison. Throw in an impeccably polite Chinese assassin, an incognito Montana militiaman, the commander of the Joe McCarthy Governmental Complex, and one tray of poached fish and the stage is set for a remarkable 150th birthday gala with ensuing pandemonium. Yet the pandemonium can be observed long before the first shot is fired through both the characters' and narraotr's wrestling with topics including life, death, boredom, relationships and the absurdity of it all in a country which has lost itself in its own complaceny.