Shrinking the Heroes

WINNER: Carl Brandon Society Kindred Award (2007) SPECIAL CITATION (Runner-Up): Philip K. Dick Award (2007) Meet the F*O*O*J, the World's Greatest Heroes: OMNIPOTENT MAN: A body with the density of steel, and a brain to matchTHE FLYING SQUIRREL: Aging playboy industrialist by day, avenging krypto-fascist by nightIRON LASS: Mythology's greatest warrior, but the world might be safer if she had a husbandX-MAN: Formerly of the League of Angry Blackmen, but not formerly enoughTHE BROTHERFLY: Radioactively flyPOWER GRRRL: Perpetually deciding between fighting crime or promoting her latest album, clothing line or sex scandalThey're Earth's mightiest super-team. And dysfunctional as hell. Having survived arch-criminal assaults in the 1950s, intergalactic aggression in the 1960s, affirmative action battles in the 1970s, and having finally defeated all its arch-enemies in a battle global in the 1980s, the F*O*O*J finds itself in a peaceful world without super villains--and thus bereft of a mandate. Without external foes, the phenomenal F*O*O*Jsters are reduced to waging toxic office politics rife with their own arcane idiosyncrasies, bizarre perversions, mutual contempt and explosive neuroses, leading to what must sooner or later be a workplace super-powered civil war. Only one woman can save them from themselves: Dr. Janice Brain-Silverman, AKA Doctor Brain, the world's leading therapist for the extraordinarily-abled. But when the planet's most hallowed hero dies unexpectedly, career-ending depression descends, accusations fly and conspiracy theories boil--is the age of heroes truly over, or has an old foe returned to exact revenge on them all? Can the F*O*O*J survive its two greatest threats: assassination and group therapy? Advance Praise for "UNMASKED! When Being a Superhero Can't Save You From Yourself" by Doctor Brain "Brilliant, easy-to-implement life-changing guidance and classic examples from the careers of our greatest legends, written by the leading therapist of the extraordinarily-abled."--The Übermensch Reader"If I'd had this book twenty years ago I could've saved myself decades of rage, violence and self-loathing, not to mention a $4 billion judgement against me by the city."--Clifford David Stinson, AKA the Blue Smasher"Were I still at my psychiatric practice and had I not begun my career of mental butchery that led to my incarceration, I would unreservedly recommend this fine volume to all my living patients."--Menton the DestroyerAbout the authorDr. Janice Brain-Silverman lives and works at the Hyper-Potentiality Clinic inside the refurbished Mount Palomax Observatory in Los Ditkos. She has been helping hyper-hominids for over twenty years, and is the author of such best-sellers as: Seven Habits of Highly Defective NemesesWhy Do Bad Villains "Happen" to Good Heroes?Evil Geniuses Who Hate Humanity and the Women Who Love ThemSacred Identity: Reclaiming the Demi-God in YouSecrets from Menton's Brain: Using Two Lefts to Make Yourself RightBeing Super-Mom in Today's MultiverseSide-Kicked! When the Alpha-Hero Treats You Like OmegaBulletproof, SchmulletproofSecret Origins, Starring: Your Miserable Life