Tell the Setting Son

We met online. I was chasing my ex - who was also online and having a 'writer' girlfriend of hers ghost as her Cyrano with potential lovers. It drove me crazy. That my ex couldn't communicate - a given. Her friend a voyeur - yes...teasing men...warms them up for Suzy. It was so disgusting. Me? I decided to take a look over the fence. There was no way that we would have ever met through friends or by chance. We corresponded briefly. Then she excused me - I was 14 years her senior. But I sent a long poem to the effect that as an attorney I often find myself appealing for second chances. Might we talk and then meet at some point? Yes she said. She would later claim to have forewarned me that she couldn't truly - share - her heart, interests, body or... In fact, she never warned me. When we first became lovers she was likely trying to share. She was petite, thin, with thick brown hair, and a Kansas prairie kind of thin long nose. She looked younger than she was. As she walked towards me that first late morning I told myself that, notwithstanding our slight telephonic familiarity, I would have and cherish her from that moment - if she would have me. I had been bitten...tenderly...seductively. Or was I targeted?We climbed aboard my Jag. We went to lunch at a special restaurant and followed it with a trip across town to antiques. During our wanderings I reached out, lightly drawing my fingers across her lower back. She felt it as special - a connection - without comment. I cooked her dinner of pasta, white sauce, halibut, at my place. Later that night we slowly danced outside by the pool to Frank. I asked that she not make the long drive home. That night in bed we both felt shy, especially me. But we held each other and talked, caressed, kissed. We were spoons in a drawer when I first struggled inside her little body. Gently...pushing all the way inside. She repeatedly gasped. Ultimately, familiar rhythms. We made love. In the early morning we made love yet again. Active...mutual sexual exchanges. Later I asked her if we might find a way to 'make it work?' Yes she said again. We married 6 weeks later. I came to think of her first as naive - as if she had just been made - like new. But I came to know her as calculating. Sexual cannibalism describes a female cannibalizing her mate prior to, during, or after copulation. Of note: this initial portion (of the larger definition) is not limited to spiders. Auren is a sexual cannibal. Such behavior in spiders evolved as a manifestation of sexual conflict, occurring when the reproductive interests of male and female widow spiders differ. Similar, devastating behavior from sexual conflict occurs in human females manifesting an irrational belief regarding her reproductive interests; i.e., irrational concerns for her offspring. One may witness of woman - or of widow spider - that once she has the seed, she may conclude she no longer (wants or) needs the male. Our sexual relationship was outstanding for the first year. But with the birth of Jett, Auren's focus shifted completely to Jett. They slept together for 5 years. I slept on the couch. Slowly, I was moved or pushed out until I lived in the garage and slept inside on the couch. Auren came to look at a kiss, a touch, or sex as something that a wife does. Not because she desired to - but an obligation. She said men needed the release - and from time to time she would kindly release me. She never initiated. Seldom participate. More likely to look away, eyes closed, hoping it would end soon. Never - a passionate kiss. Always complaining - hurts, too deep, get it over, your hands are too rough, don't slow down - I know why men slow down - and so on. Just lay there and take it - turn your face, close your eyes - think of something else - or count - until it is over. She would kick me with her heels as I fucked her. Get going she would say.